A Little Bit of Community - My Sunday Best - 07

Just barefoot and pregnant - though my husband
insisted that I not (also) be standing in the kitchen
for this picture ;)

Hey look! I found something new to wear to Mass! Thanks, Mom! :)

Top: H&M  Skirt: Old Navy  Bump: 22 weeks

We made it back home! It really was so nice to be back in our home parish - seeing familiar faces, singing songs also so familiar I don't need to hold the book for them (a definite plus when those hands are needed to pull wandering boys back into the pew *ahem*). I think the kiddos also appreciated being back on home territory - if nothing else, they were back where they get their own special bread after communion! And they were pretty well behaved (knock on wood?) so I even got to hear some of the readings and homily.

Today's first reading gave me a lot to think about today - most all of it pretty superficial, I have to admit. (Sorry.) First of all, the Shunammite woman: she decides she wants to build Elisha a room, and one sentence later, BOOM. It's built and Elisha's moved in.  Clearly, this is a "woman of influence"! We started our own building project last year, and have yet to even break ground on the project, much less furnish it with a "bed, table, chair and lamp."  Though it's not for a lack of trying! (What do we gotta do to find a contractor around here??)

But really, it was her hospitality that struck me. Hospitality is truly a gift from God - when done right, people open right up and community is forged. I'm always awed by it when I'm on the receiving end, or even when I just witness it for someone else.  That's why I was so grateful to meet a few ladies after church today for a little park picnic. We had "met" through Blessed Is She's regional group on Facebook and decided to get together IRL this afternoon. Our kids ranged in age from 2 to 14, but they all seemed to get along great and us moms got a chance to introduce ourselves and learn a little bit about each other. It really was a lovely afternoon and we ended with plans to get together again next month - so I think, "Success!" But as always, glory to God - because it had very little to do with me and a lot more to do with Him (and the mom who brought the package of cookies to share)! What's been your best experience of hospitality (giving or receiving)?

Rosie, her sister and I are (apparently) barefoot buddies this week... head over there for more MSB community!

Blessed Brunch!

Ever since Jenna posted her idea about Blessed Brunches, well, just about a year ago now, I've wanted to help host one. God, in His wisdom, knew that last year wasn't the year for me to do it - but I was priviledged to attend one in Berkeley - and I was so... blessed! (for lack of a better word).

But this year has been different! After hosting some lovely women for a weekly devotional during Lent (which just transformed our Lenten season), we all agreed that we would like to get together again. And I knew that a Blessed Brunch would be just the thing!

So today, on the Feast of the Visitation, we had our brunch. It was truly a spiritually refreshing time and a perfectly fitting way to celebrate this feast. This evening I sat down and wrote the women a little email to express my gratitude:

Hello Sisters in Christ,
I had a truly lovely time with you this morning, and I hope you did too! Thank you all for coming out, sharing food, and sharing your heart! When I got home this afternoon I was overwhelmed with your genorosity of spirit - I was grateful my littles went down for their naps with no trouble so I could sit and process and read a bit. Today's Gospel reading was the story of the Visitation, and what should I find in today's devotional, but this:
"But there’s another reality of the Visitation that was pressed hard in on me today, and it is that of Jesus. It would be easy to assume that Jesus was just along for the ride on Mary’s journey to Elizabeth, but that wouldn’t be true. Today’s Feast reminds us that it is as much about Jesus visiting Elizabeth and baby John as it is about Mary visiting Elizabeth.
"It is Jesus who compelled John to leap for joy in his mother’s womb. It is Jesus who prompts Elizabeth to praise and honor Mary. It is Jesus, quickening inside her, who compels Mary to sing her song of thanks to God.
"We, too, each live our own moment-to-moment Visitations... What is one way that Jesus has visited you this week? Make an act of gratitude for His visit to your heart."  That's what this afternoon felt like to me: yes, I met you. But I also met Christ in you. And I am grateful.

Let's do this again soon!
With affection,
Sara

Seeing Red...

What I've learned today: if you want a picture of your family all dressed in their lovely #RedForPentecost clothes, do it as early in the day as possible. Even if it involves grabbing an unsuspecting neighbor off the sidewalk - because... well, we all know why because.

(This is just my way of saying sorry folks. There will be no cute pictures of me or my kiddos today. Mea culpa.)

We celebrated two birthdays today - Grandad's and the Church's! Paul and I sang Happy Birthday to both parties - and the Spitfire didn't sing to either. (Little Dude did bang his fork for both - so I'm going to say that it was his way of providing some much needed percussion.) It was kinda nice to open and close the day with that song. We sang it in the morning while Skyping with Grandad and all our UK aunts and uncles; we sang it in the evening at dinner. And in between there was a whole lot of "readjusting expectations".  Case in point: for once we were totally ready for an on-time departure for church but when I turned the key in the ignition - the engine refused to cooperate. Really? This is how we're rewarded for trying to finally be to church on time? OK. Plan B - throw the kids in the stroller (but hey! It's red!) and walk to St Rose (Also red!) instead. So yes, plan A was thwarted but I think by doing this we were rewarded. We ran into friends that we haven't seen for a long time and afterwards, we got to stop at a coffeeshop for treats- which is something I *always* want to do after Mass but never do because kids. Carseats. Blah.

And of course, after that - we were already downtown - why not make an afternoon of it and go out to lunch? I'm sure the kids didn't mind having pizza one more time this week - it was also red (sauce)!

So why the red for Pentecost? Honestly, I can't remember - I'm sure you can Google it (Here let me Google that for you) But looking for red became a fun theme to my day, both online and off. Here, at least, are some of the high points of that search:

Rose petals representing Pentecost’s "tongues of fire" fell onto congregants during Mass for the Feast of Pentecost, today, at the Pantheon in Rome. CNS Photo by @Paul.haring @catholic_news_service

A photo posted by James Martin SJ (@jamesmartinsj) on May 15, 2016 at 6:16pm PDT

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Rachel Held Evans wrote a guest post for Shauna Niequist - a beautiful reflection on the Holy Spirit:

We are born into a windy world, where the Spirit is steady as a breeze and as strong as a hurricane. There is no city, no village, no wilderness where you cannot find it, so pay attention.

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I don't think my friend intended to do this - but I thought it was lovely and I included her photo in the #RedforPentecost tag along...

Diablo uprising #mtdiablo #sunrise #unitedairlines #jetsetting

A photo posted by Kris K (@klotzwalkin) on May 15, 2016 at 9:43am PDT

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Like I said before, sorry there's no pictures of my own to add here - but Lord willing - we'll celebrate the church's birthday next year! How did you celebrate Pentecost this year?

On Trespassing

“This is how you are to pray:

Our Father who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name,
thy Kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil."
(From Matthew 6)

The first time I attended church with my grandma E, I couldn't believe how similar to a Catholic mass it was. She attended a Lutheran church and since this was well before I had taken any classes in theology or history of the church - I just found the similarities a happy coincidence. But there was one glaring discrepancy (in my mind) on the word choice they used in the Lord's prayer:

"...and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors."

Reciting the Lord's prayer was the one part in the service where I thought I wouldn't need to read the little book in the pew, so I had put it down, only to get tripped up at that point. In a classic case of teenage insecurity, I actually felt embarrassed that I "goofed up the words" - hence why I even remember it now.  But because I goofed, it got the perfectionist in me wondering, "What does the Bible actually say here?"  Because whether it's trespassing or debts really matters!!  Actually neither were things that I really understood at that age, at least, not beyond their literal meanings. I just wanted an answer to feel justified about my "mistake". My friend had a Living Bible, and it said

"...and forgive us our sins, just as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us."

Ah, sin. Now here was something my black-and-white thinking brain could understand. I know what sin is. Sin is breaking the 10 commandments. Sin is someone actively doing something bad to you.

The problem with this definition of sin is how un-nuanced it is. When I defined sin as "something someone actively does wrong" to me, then when my college roommate came back from class angry at something and she stomped around the house making life unbearable for all who lived there - well, then she wasn't "sinning against me." I mean, she wasn't mad at me, right?  She wasn't actively hurting me, so I just needed to work on not letting her anger become my anger... right?

Eh... sure. Except that I didn't do that, I instead let it become a grudge that I held against her. And then I felt guilty about holding a grudge. And then I started to avoid being in the house with her. And then... I moved out. And the whole time, I couldn't see that I needed to acknowledge that she had hurt me and that forgiveness was necessary.

How different would things have been if I had a more nuanced definition of sin, or even better, a more thorough understanding of trespassing?  Trespassing is...

...coming into my area without permission
...stepping on my toes
...getting all up in my space

Trespassing happens daily. And 90% of the time the actions don't fall into the "active doing of bad to me" category.  I just cleaned this kitchen! My people, can we just put dirty dishes in the dishwasher?!? (Oh what? You're 3? Like that's an excuse.) 

Now that I can identify all these little things as "trespassing", I'm learning that I can do two things:

1) I can acknowledge that a part of me has been trespassed against.  I don't have to play the game of whether it's right for me to feel this way or not. I feel trespassed against - it is what it is.  But, now, more importantly...
2) I can ask God for help in forgiving.  Forgiving is...

...letting the other person off the hook.
...not holding it against them
...choosing to say, "No one owes me anything." (Hmm, debts/debtors... sounds familiar...)

Even on these little things, that can be very hard - but I remind myself the alternative to not forgiving is not worth it. I've been down that road, I know where it goes. (Yes, I may have just quoted the Matrix there.)

More importantly, I know my God will take care of me. After all, "The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want..."

Home Again, Home Again... (7QT)

Jiggety jig.

-1-

Happy new year! And welcome back to life at home (for us)! Today we celebrated "2nd Christmas" with pancakes and Michael Buble and opening gifts from Grandad and our UK aunties and uncles.  I loved every minute and I also couldn't stop smiling at the irony of it all. Which is to say, after nearly a year of trying to observe the liturgical calendar, here we are telling our daughter that it's "second Christmas" well after Christmastide is done. Oh well... she's 3 right? She won't remember a thing.

-2-

Other ironies: the liturgical new year began with Advent - but I can't bring myself to plan for it until the calendar new year. Maybe that's just because I didn't get The Carrots for Michaelmas cookbook until after Christmas. Or maybe it's because I also just got a lovely little new notebook for 2nd Christmas that I can do all my planning in. Either way, I'm going to take Haley's advice and only really try to plan for 2 feast days a month. (As well as the major seasons of Lent and Advent... that's do-able, right?)

-3-

So what did we get for second Christmas, you ask? Well, I guess Santa must have heard me complaining about how I can't use the computer in the office because the baby is there, so he sent us a new all-in-one computer that is now sitting in our living room. It's gi-nor-mous! But it only has one cord! So, really, it's like a very large laptop. That can't be moved. (Until the baby moves. Out of the office, that is.)

-4-

While I miss my family dearly, I would have to say that the best part of being home has been... being home. Not getting home, mind you... (because as super cute as Little Dude is, he is definitely *no* fun to be with on a plane)

This was the happiest moment of our trip home... for both him and me!

I've enjoyed the cleaning, cooking and shopping (to do the cooking and cleaning...). I guess it's because I had such a wonderful break from doing it that I enjoy getting back into those things. In any case, thanks Mom and Dad!

-5-

I've read a few posts now from bloggers who are planning their "reads for 2016" but none have impressed me so much as this one: Modern Mrs Darcy's Reading Challenge 2016

The one challenge that really moves me right now is the "book that intimidates you" because, hands down, there is only one that fits that bill: Kirsten Lavransdatter. Honestly, it feels like the Catholic-mommy-blogosphere has blown up with it. And at 1168 pages, I can think of nothing more intimidating in a book. My own personal challenge this year is to read 12 books, so maybe I will use the challenge list above to guide me (future post, forth coming?)...

-6-

I mentioned earlier that my word for 2016 was LEARN. Well, I had that put to the test this week when I attended my first ever Paint Nite with my sisters and mom.

Look at us go! :)

Oh man, what an exercise in humility! I have never painted (beyond kindergarten fingerpaints) in my life and it was *so* intimidating to put that brush on the canvas! I must admit, the wine here was helpful in getting me over myself. But I did also have to whisper "Let go and learn. Learn." to myself a few times.

The finished product!

 As I mentioned to Paul later, "I think it looks better in the dark." But that's just my misplaced pride speaking. :)  I had fun! And I loved being with these lovely women, who I'm so blessed to call my family.

-7-

Ah, I always get to #7 and seem to peter out. Well, get your full seven of 7QT at Kelly's This 
Ain't the Lyceum (and check out her new website spread!)

*The* Word for 2016

I think it was a few years back I started hearing about peoples' "words" for the new year. Some folks would unveil their word on Facebook using that quiz-style thing that takes in your name and Magically! spits out your word for the new year. Others would be a little more thoughtful (one can only guess) and just share their word without the graphics and the invitation to "Find Your Own Word for 2016!"

Then (as now) the thought of a guiding word intrigued me. What would it be like to have a word that guided my thoughts and decisions for a whole year? Where would I be in 365 days? What would be different?

It seemed like a *very important thing to do* and so I didn't want to leave this word to chance. I wanted to think. Pray. Meditate. Spend due diligence in figuring this word out. And so, of course, I forgot to do it and thus a couple years have gone by without me participating.

But not this year! This year will be different because after seeing this picture on Instagram:

Simplicity. That's my word for 2016. Yours? #dishesatthelodge #pitcherfromchildhood #wholeparentinglodge

A photo posted by Nell 💙 (@whole_parenting) on Dec 27, 2015 at 11:18am PST

I decided I needed to find my word.

It actually didn't take very long, even thought I didn't really know how to go about it. It was after reading this article on making resolutions using the word as a theme, and another article (that I can't find right now. Drat) that was about making resolutions based on how you want to *feel* in the next year (rather than specific *things* you want to accomplish), that I sat down and came up with a few words. And from that list, only one really jumped out at me: LEARN.

There's quite a few things I would like to learn - about blogging, tutoring, parenting, etc... - but there's also the attitude that I want to take in this next year. Is there something ahead of me that I don't know how to do? Well, rather than ignore or avoid it, squarely look at it and decide to LEARN. I feel this encompasses both actual goals I have and the "softer" attitude/mindset that I want to adopt.  As a former pastor once said, "Do you want to be the same person next year that you are today?" It's only living things that grow and change - therefore, I want to live... and learn! (No dead quitty fishes here.)

So what's your word for 2016?

Seven Quick Takes on Timing - 7th anniversary edition

Seven years today... I love this man!

We're talking about God's timing this week over at Blessed is She and today is my 7-year anniversary with the hubs... just in time for a Seven Quick Takes. The timing (heh heh) of these couldn't be better, as my original plan for the 7QT wouldn't have been long enough and my one thought on God's timing wouldn't have warranted a blog post of its own either. But, *together*... well, we'll see!

- 1 -

Is there one word that can describe God's timing? I believe yes, there is. If our God knows the beginning from the end and everything inbetween, then I have to believe that God's timing is Perfect.  But when job offers don't come when needed, or when babies arrive "early", or when Mr. Right still seems way way off, or even just while waiting for the tea to steep, knowing that God's timing is perfect is hard to remember when it's not my timing. So after reading an article on creating computer passwords to change your life - I decided to use the fact that God's timing is Perfect as the mantra I would repeat to myself every day when I switched on my computer. (That's not exactly my pass phrase by the way... wouldn't want you to go logging into Amazon on a spending spree, now would I? ;) )  And I will testify: typing this phrase nearly every day for the past seven years has changed me. Knowing that God's timing is Perfect has sunk into my very being - so much so that I'm much more at peace when things aren't working on my time table. And when I'm not at peace... well, then I'm no more than 24 hours away from a typed reminder to myself that God's got it all under control.

- 2 -

About that timing thing... back in 2002, I spent a summer in Scotland working for a tech company. I met many lovely people, went to a few concerts, traveled the country. But (contrary to some of my friends' predictions) I didn't meet my husband. Though I could have! He worked at that same company, on the same floor as me, with the same people I worked with. In fact, he had to pass my desk every day to get to his own desk! Yeah... no. I didn't meet him until he moved to California 5 years later. So I guess I will always wonder: were we supposed to meet in Scotland but we messed it up and then God had to make it happen again in California? Or... oh. wait. I think I answered my own question already (see #1).

- 3 -

Our little home... back when it had a lawn... and a tree... and a black car...

Things I love about God's timing: it's perfect. Like when we were in the market for a house... I saw a little gem of a home over the internet while we were away visiting family. It was in quite a state and clearly needed work, but the location was perfect, the size was perfect and the price was in our budget. I immediately started planning all the renovations and decorating we would do. But (and this is a big one) we couldn't do anything about it because we were out of the country. So we saved it in our list of favorites and hoped it would still be there when we got back. It wasn't. I was heartbroken. The next few months after that were pretty bleak in the house hunting - we kept getting beat out and out bid. Just when I was getting ready to throw in the towel, what should appear on Redfin but that house again! All spiffied, and reno'd and beautiful like! The people who had bought it were house-flippers and they did a great job. So we jumped on it and amazingly, for the first time in nearly a year of house hunting, we were the first ones to make an offer and (more importantly) it was accepted! Funny how things work out...

- 3 -

Lest you begin to think my life is all charmed... Timing: 2 minutes. This was how long I could take a shower in our new home before we would run out of hot water. Even though we clearly had a 30-gallon hot water heater sitting in our home, what we couldn't see was that it was nearly 100% full of silt and mineral deposits. Thus, not even one month after moving into our first home we had to buy and install a new hot water heater... and then redo the plumbing... and then the electrics... and then the insulation... and then the sewer lines... OY. Home ownership is expensive y'all.

- 4 -

Best example of God using time to perfect a married couple: Back in college, one of my professors shared his and his wife's secret to solving problems in their marriage. Whenever they disagreed on an issue and couldn't seem to talk it through, they would choose a time period (like a week) where they would each pray about the situation and intentionally listen for God's heart on the subject. During the week they would not allow themselves to talk about that issue at all (except with God in prayer). Then after that week they would write down what they heard and come back together to share. If what they shared didn't match, then they repeated the process until it did.  So even if they both flip-flopped on the issue, each taking the other person's side, that didn't count. They both had to come to the same conclusion, separately, before they could move forward. I thought then that it was a beautiful problem solving strategy. Still do.

- 5 -

Something I've always known, but learned again this week: when choosing bake times for brownies, always choose the smaller amount and, if baking with whole grains, subtract a minute. Nobody likes an overcooked brownie. Nobody.

- 6 -

Babies have a timing all of their own, don't they? I'm still amazed with Little Dude's mobility - especially when compared to his sister. She stood up for the first time at 10 months and didn't (wouldn't?) start walking until 13 months. This guy is 8 months and getting ready to start cruising on the furniture.

Oh hey mom... just standing here beside the coffee table...

On the other hand, when it comes to food, Little Dude couldn't care less about solids. He is *all* about the booby. Contrast that with his older sister who was (at this age) happily eating mashed up ratatouille.

Ah well. Take them as they come, right?

- 7 -

This week the bonus question is "Who is your favorite blogger that you discovered through 7QT?" And this one is kinda hard to answer, because the TIMING of when I found all these blogs is so jumbled. (See what I did there?) I feel like all of my favorite blogs have mentioned 7QT at some point, but whether I found them through 7QT or found them in some other way and then read one of their 7QT posts... it's hard to remember. But I will say that the day I figured out what 7QT was and, relatedly, what in the world a "link up" was and (also related) who the mysterious "Kelly" was... well, that was a happy moment indeed. As my daughter's 2nd favorite cartoon character might say, "Turkey shout, I figured it out!!"

Fig the Fox likes "This Ain't the Lyceum" Head there for more 7QT!

Domestic life in Seven Quick Takes

Can you post your 7 Quick Takes a day after the fact? We shall find out...

- 1 -

Today (as in coming up in the next 2 hours) the spitfire will be taking her first ever Swim Class! I'm not going to lie.. I'm a little bit nervous about how it's going to go. She has spent pretty much her whole life avoiding water... bathtimes (up until only very recently) were torturous for all involved. But her auntie said that *she* would take the little one into the pool, so I was all up for that - except today Auntie is off celebrating her wedding anniversary. Pfft. Whatever, Auntie. Go party while we go scream in the pool. Oh. Wait. I mean Swim. Swim in the pool. (Prayers please)

- 2 -

Shh, kitty... I have 20 minutes before the husband expects me home...

Does anyone else feel like they have to "steal" time to themselves? Yesterday's tutoring session ended a half-hour early, so instead of heading home I sneakily (gleefully) headed off to the local coffee shop and indulged in my new favorite drink: the iced matcha latte. I love the green color. (And, if I'm being honest, I kinda like the looks I get when I pick up my drink... most people's faces seem to be saying "What the what? Why is your drink GREEN?" Their faces may or may not also be saying, "Don't you know this is a Coffee Drinking Establishment?" To which I mentally reply that it's really more a Caffeine Drinking Establishment and I like my caffeine green as the leaf it came from. Thank you very much. *SLURP*)

- 3 -

According to all the signs outside said Coffee Drinking Establishments, it is (apparently) Fall! And if the coffee shops weren't telling me as much, then the Trader Joe's flyer was. I counted at least 4 full pages of pumpkin-laced products (including Pumpkin Trader Joe's O's???) in their latest flyer! I like my pumpkin, but maybe we're going a bit too far?  Personally I'd like to see the persimmon make some headway into the Fall Foodie Fray. I saw a recipe for chocolate persimmon muffins that sounds pretty glorious to me...

- 4 -

The little dude is 8 months old and pulling himself to standing!! I can't handle this. The spitfire didn't even attempt this til 10 months and then it was another 3 before she started walking (and she never did the "cruising" thing). This guy is out to blow all her records away and walk himself right off a cliff (ahem... I mean the front steps, which may as well be a cliff considering what it does to my heart when I think about it.) (More prayers please)

- 5 -

While we're talking about the little dude... we just applied for his UK passport and this was the picture we sent in...

Isn't he the cutest? And for fun here's his sister when she received her passport...

(Also, notice how she's *sitting*... gosh that was a beautiful thing. A baby. SITTING. Little dude doesn't know the meaning of these words)

- 6 -

I don't usually keep 2 books going at once, but in addition to the book I mentioned last week, I am also reading Wearing God by Lauren Winner. I just finished the chapter on our "God who smells" and it is truly fascinating. Winner goes through the Old and New Testaments gleaning out all the references to smells and smelling and explores what it means to say that we have a God who smells (both the action of smelling and also the act of emitting a smell).  I fell in love with this author when she released her first book "Girl Meets God" where she chronicled her experience of converting to Christianity from Orthodox Judaism. She is a Biblical scholar in the best way because of her life-journey and so I highly recommend any of her books to you.

- 7 -

Well, I'm running out of time... gotta go put the little dude down for his nap and the spitfire into a swimsuit. But before I go, the bonus question this week was/is, "How many 7QTs have you posted?" So, counting this one that would make.... 2! (Rawkin' it :) ) Weekend domestic life at its best. Head on over to This Ain't the Lyceum for more 7QT!

2 Feasts in 5 Days = ...7QT?

When did you post your first "Seven Quick Takes"?

Answer: right NOW. (Cue the dramatic news music score. Or something.)

- 1 -

What a long week, I tell ya. I think a picture of the front room from today will speak the 1000 words on this topic:

Yes. It's been that kind of day/week.

- 2 -

But tonight is girls' night, and I am soo looking forward to that! The restaurant that we're going to has the most amazing spare ribs on a salad that I think even the most die-hard carnivore would love. Plus they have a whole *wall* of dessert options - to which I say, "Thank you Jesus for breastfeeding!" (The little dude will love this tonight).

- 3 -

We had Carrots for Michaelmas and it was Knot bad! Thank you to Haley and Bonnie for giving poor-planning me a heads up about Michaelmas this week. And they were right: the whiskey glazed carrots are truly yummy. The spitfire even ate one before she realized it was a carrot. And as it just so happened, we had 2 pounds of carrots that needed to be used pronto, plus a couple bottles of whiskey leftover from the FIL's last visit... so truly, providence at its finest!

And then, just to warm this mama's heart, we had our first real family prayer before the meal! (Well, that is, since becoming a family of 4 eight months ago.) Yup, even the little dude held hands and *stayed still and silent* for the whole prayer. Un-be-lieve-able. If I could have taken a picture, I would have! (But I was praying. We all were :) )

- 4 -

I feel I may be the last one to this... but have any of y'all heard of Scott Hahn? (OK. Yes. I know I'm the last one to this... anyway!) I'm reading his book Lord, Have Mercy and I'm getting a little blown away. It's a little like the feeling I had back in high school calculus when everything just *clicked* and I finally figured out "why we had to do all those things we had to do". It was a turning point for me and my relationship with math, much like I think this book will be for me and my relationship with the Church. But since I'm not done with it yet, I think I shall have to save any more thoughts about it for another post.

- 5 -

"Gosh, I love the French!"

This was my exclamation after my daughter ate her "Croque Monsieur" with NO pushback whatsoever (weird name, white sauce and all). This time, thanks to Kendra for her menu idea to celebrate St Therese's feast day. We ate it with sweet potato fries - which I don't think you'll ever find happening in France - much to their loss. It was delicious.

- 6 -

Uh oh. I'm running out of things to talk about. Quick! A cat! from 1986!

Really? They make calendars out of this stuff now?

- 7 -

I actually made it to the craft store this week to price out the supplies needed for making a Jesse Tree. I don't know... this is looking far too crafty for the likes of me. Maybe I'll just buy myself one of these kits. Except that I don't like that it only comes with 25 ornaments.  I would really like it to follow the actual Advent season.  So... maybe someone out there can give me some pointers?!

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for her Link-tober Fest!

All the things.

So many times over this last month I have thought to myself, "I should write a post about that...." But of course, as so often is the case with me, I find other things to do (or they find me - ahem, I'm looking at you little ones)

Who... us??

So here, in the order that they are coming out of my head (not necessarily in any particular order) are those things:

1. Blessed Brunch - Bezerkley style

...which means no brunch - just afternoon coffee break. :) However there was some super delicious quiche that I should have either gone back for seconds of, or asked the recipe for, but I digress.

I had emailed the BIS-folks back in July about hosting a brunch up here in Northern California - however, once my hubs scheduled his surgery, that went out the window. Blessedly (for reals) another lovely lady stepped up - 2 actually! - and I was so glad to go to her house on Saturday 8/8. I really didn't know what to expect, but since starting this blog and (before then) returning to the Catholic church, I was so hungry to get to know other women who really take this faith seriously. (Translation: I don't know what I'm doing, and really need some mentors/role models!*)

It did not disappoint.

We prayed, we ate, we introduced ourselves, we shared... really, for a bunch of women who for the most part, only met through a Catholic devotional on the internet, I could not have asked for a more beautiful time with such lovely people. And yes, I did learn some things! For instance, there's a Montessori-style bible study for kids - I just love this. And I remember a lot of the women saying they prayed (or at least wanted to pray) the Liturgy of the Hours. Maybe I will too, someday...

2. Our Littles were Baptized!

I mentioned earlier how I'm not always aware of appropriate behavior in church, so as the date for the wee ones baptism approached, I got more and more worried that I wouldn't be doing it right. In fact, it was only 1 week before the baptism that I learned the chilluns should be dressed in white. (Seeing all of Kendra's pictures obviously didn't teach me anything.) Ack! Where do I find white baptism outfits that aren't going to cost me an arm and leg in less than 7 days? Amazon.com to the rescue!!

Not bad, eh? :)

Both children did much better than I expected them to - our little guy only cried a tiny bit and even "the spitfire" cried up until the water hit her head and then she stopped. (Given her lifelong dislike of the water, I did not see that coming!) I was touched by all the parts of the ceremony - and the smell of the chrism lived up to the hype. But it was the prayers for the mother and father that got me crying. I don't even know if I can say what exactly it was that made me tear up.  I just felt so blessed and grateful - and hopeful! So much grace was poured out on them, and me, that I am sure we will be changed for the good because of it.

The baptism was followed by some family pictures - which was really just a front for getting my sister to her 40th birthday surprise.

It worked spectacularly :)

I don't want to make this post toooo long, so more to come soon...!

*This needing a mentor even extends into my French baking attempts... I tried making madeleines for the Blessed Coffee Break and well... um...

Madeleines these are not. We shall call them "madel-ain'ts!"

At least they were delicious!

Worth the Wait

For the longest time I had no idea why He called me to go.

July 2005

We are flying into Phnom Penh's airport and all I can see is dust and dirt - barely any green, save a few trees here and there. My heart is sinking with the plane. I can already feel the weight of poverty in my soul, and the landscape is only making it worse. When we leave the airport, the city’s heat and noise further crowd in on me and every story ever told about “crowded Asian cities” proves true. I’m trying hard not to think about how I don’t like it and I’m doing my best to not think about how I don’t think I can do this. It’s a little like trying to “not think about a pink elephant”. I’m not doing well.

We’re on our way to the orphanage. Bouncing along in the back of the pick-up truck we pass a large muddy pond with lotus flowers on top and it’s true: “The lotus flower blooms most beautifully from the deepest and thickest mud.” I think, “If I were ever to get a tattoo, it should be of a lotus.” (I don't ever get that tattoo).

We begin work at the orphanage every day as early as possible so that we can stop when the sun is the hottest. It’s hard work - coupled with really gross housing conditions (a brothel! Our team is obviously not using it for that purpose - but there is literally no other place in the village that can house us all.  Three of us girls are crammed into a closet size room. The bed has red-orange stains on it. I sleep on the floor with the bugs. I hate my life.) A couple days in and we start to get daily downpours in the afternoon. Many of my teammates kick off their shoes to go dance in the rain, some break out shampoo to take an honest-to-goodness shower - it’s certainly warm enough! - I watch it all from under the eaves of the orphanage. I know myself - I might enjoy the moment, but I also know it won’t last, and I’ll be making myself more miserable in having to continue work in wet clothes that won’t dry in the humidity. So I opt out but secretly I wonder if I’m not “living enough”.

Morning devotions and a team member gives a revelation, “God knows our needs. If we don’t have fans or AC, it’s not to torment us. It’s because God knows we don’t need it.” I’m oddly comforted by this thought.

Our work is almost done. It’s our second to last day and I’m up in the children’s “bedroom” - a large empty room with a tile floor - and I’m painting the walls. A team member comes to talk with me and I begin to cry. Unlike every other girl on the team who is my age, I can’t wait to get home. I haven’t had an epiphany, or a life-changing moment. I’ve just been working really hard (along with everyone else), and keeping my mouth shut about my selfish annoyances.  It’s not that I haven’t had any moments of joy… I have! I’ve truly enjoyed the children’s laughter, and I’ve whole-heartedly smiled with the widows who run the orphanage at their antics. But it’s not been inspirational enough to alter the course of my life.  I feel so “less than” and more confused.  Why did I think that God called me to this mission trip? I’m doubting now that I truly heard Him.

The last day at the orphanage and we all gather in a circle to pray.  Our interpreters are both praying and translating prayers. I stand next to a woman who may be only a year or so younger than me, but the fact that she is there tells me that she has experienced more heartache and trials in her lifetime than I would ever be able to understand. And as I bow my head to pray, she takes my hand and holds it so tightly - she won’t let go. I’m taken aback at first, but as I hold her hand I pray that our Father would bless her greatly, now and always.

8 years later, I’m sitting in church listening to a missionary share his experience and I’m reminded of my trip to Cambodia.  Despite the good I know we accomplished, I still have never figured out exactly why I believed that God called me to go. It’s a bittersweet feeling and I tell myself that when I see Jesus face to face, I’ll ask him if he really did call me, and if so, why. But just as I’m imagining this heavenly encounter, the missionary says something that wakes me up:

James 1:27 says “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained from the world” Some translations say “look after” instead of “visit” but I like “to visit” better. It reminds me that it’s not enough to throw money at people in need - that’s not true love - true love joins with people in their affliction and says “I’m in this with you.”

And at last the blinders fall from my eyes: it wasn’t about me. At least, not exactly. God called me to be there, because He wanted me to Be. There. With the children. With the women. He wanted me to serve them, and laugh with them and pray with them. Being a missionary to Cambodia wasn’t to be my vocation - but that was never meant to excuse me from “visiting widows and orphans in their affliction”.  After 8 years, my heart was filled with joy to realize that I had indeed heard God correctly. It was worth the wait to receive that confirmation - and it was made all the more sweet to know I had obeyed His call, even when I didn’t know why.

May God open our ears to hear His call and strengthen us to always obey His promptings. May we never make our understanding of His rationale a prerequisite for our obedience. And may God fill our hearts with the joy that a daughter has when she is in her father’s loving presence, now and always. Amen.

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